Kiss Me
by Amber Mushi
Summary: All Tira wants to do is find true love. But as Zasalamel tells her, there's a slight problem...
1. A Slight Problem

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I got this idea after seeing Tira's critical finish in SCIV. It's awesome.

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**Kiss Me**

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Chapter 1 – A Slight Problem

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Siegfried caressed her thighs, furiously kissing her neck. Tira just sat back, letting his tongue run over her body, enjoying the tickling sensation it produced. She let out a low moan, which Siegfried took as a sign to continue.

"I've never had anybody make me feel the way you do," Tira moaned.

"Yeah..." Siegfried replied, momentarily ceasing his licking. "I get that a lot," he said grinning, looking straight into her eyes.

Tira's mood immediately changed, as her eyes narrowed. "Hey…" she said in a cold voice. "Who told you to stop?! Get back to work!"

Siegfried looked puzzled, wondering what had caused the sudden mood change. The only thing he knew now was that Tira had her weapon in a position to kill him instantly, so he did what he had to do. He got back to work.

Tira felt a new feeling between her legs. It was something great…or unbearable. She burned with fire inside. "Take it off," she commanded.

"What? My armor?" Siegfried asked.

"Yes your armor, you idiot! Now take it off and make love to me before I kill you!" Tira shouted.

"Uh…okay," Siegfried stammered as he began removing his armor. How did it come to this? He was one of the greatest warriors in the world. Now, he was under the command of a girl? Tira leapt up on his body and gave him a deep kiss.

"You like that, baby?" Tira whispered seductively as she drew her head back. Siegfried fell over in response.

"Hey, what the hell?" Tira angrily asked, brushing the dust off her. Siegfried did not respond. Tira chuckled nervously. "Um..Siegy? Baby, I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to..."

She looked at Siegfried and noticed a look of frozen terror on his face. His eyes were wide open, but had no life left in them. She gasped out loud. "Oh no, he's broken!" She started sniffling, and it was not before long was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Ok, what the hell did you do this time?" asked a new voice out of nowhere. Tira momentarily stopped her crying and looked for the source of the voice. "Zassy!" she exclaimed in delight, when she saw the man.

Zasalamel cringed at the sound of his 'name'. "Don't call me that," he snapped, menacingly holding his scythe. "What's the matter?"

"Why are you here?" Tira wondered out loud. "Ooh, shiny!" she said, mesmerized by the glint of steel in Zasalamel's weapon.

"I just happened to be around, and heard your obnoxious crying," Zasalamel answered. "Now, what's the damn problem?"

"Huh?" Tira drew her eyes away from the scythe and pointed at the limp body on the ground. "He's broken!" she wailed out loud. Zasalamel slowly walked over and examined the body. After a few moments, he made his announcement. "Something's wrong with his soul."

"Eh? What do you mean?" Tira asked, her eyes once again on the shiny scythe.

"What did you do to him?"

"I just gave him a little kiss. Why?"

Zasalamel gasped. "Oh no!"

"What?" Tira demanded, looking at him.

"I can't believe it's come to this," Zasalamel muttered to himself. Tira grew impatient. "If you don't tell me, I'm going to kill you!" she threatened.

"I wish," Zasalamel replied lazily. "Did you forget that I can't die?"

"Whatever, just tell me!" Tira said.

"Your kiss is deadly," Zasalamel replied simply. "Whenever you kiss someone, you end up somewhat destroying their soul."

Tira looked at him with disbelief. "…Are you serious right now? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Why would I joke about something like this?" Zasalamel snapped.

"So…does this mean I can't ever kiss anybody ever again?"

"Yes, that is correct."

Tira started bawling again. "You're kidding me! How is a young girl like me supposed to find love if I can't even kiss anybody!" Zasalamel slapped his forehead.

"Forget about love or whatever you call it!" he yelled. "This is a serious problem. I'll need to find somebody to take care of you and make sure you don't go destroying half the world now. I'm way too busy concocting plans to get Soul Edge at the moment."

"Wait…," Tira stopped her crying to say. "You said there's only something wrong with the soul, right? There's nothing wrong with his body?"

"Without the soul, the body can not function," Zasalamel said. "If you were a little stronger, he'd be dead right now."

"Eh? So he's not dead?" Tira asked.

"No. He'll be fine after a couple months, as long as nothing happens to him."

Tira grinned with a maniacal look in her eyes. "Excellent, I'll be back at that time. We'll finish things."

"No you won't!" Zasalamel roared. "You can't just go around destroying people's souls whenever you feel like it!"

"Isn't that what you do?"

"Leave me out of this."

"Oh Zassy," Tira crooned, stroking his face. "I can't wait to see you in pieces. It's going to be so fun."

Zasalamel slapped her away. "Don't touch me. And don't call me that, either."

Tira was sent sprawling with her face towards the ground. She lifted her head, and whispered in a shocked voice. "You…don't love me?"

Zasalamel was stunned. "Uh…"

"Waaaaa!" Tira wailed. "Nobody loves me anymore!" she sniffled. "I need a hug!" Zasalamel wordlessly walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"There, there," he said. "Don't worry. Even if you're twisted, bipolar, totally evil and will destroy someone's soul the moment you kiss them, I'm sure there's somebody out there for you."

"Hey," a cold voice interrupted. "Why the hell are you touching me? Get your hands off me or I'll kill you." Zasalamel slapped his forehead and groaned. He immediately let go of Tira and started walking away.

"Leaving so soon?" Tira's now happy voice called after him. "We didn't even get to have any fun! Oh well, see ya later, Zassy!"

"Stupid bitch," Zasalamel muttered as he walked away.


	2. Shiny and Colorful

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur or anything else that may appear in this story.

Soul Calibur IV is now out!

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Ch. 2 – Shiny and Colorful

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Tira was on a journey. A journey of love. She wandered across the world searching to fill that void in her heart. Now she was in the middle of the streets of an ancient city, thinking about serious matters. Tira's heart ached. It was unbearable. The feeling that she had to be accepted. She wanted to be needed. She wanted to be used. She wanted to be-

"Hey! Out of the way!"

Tira's eyes shot open in irritation. Who would dare to interrupt her when she was thinking of matters this important? She turned her head to the speaker and her eyes lit up.

He was shirtless and wore a green bandana. He held a sword in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other and looked as equally irritated as Tira.

"Can you move? I'm rather in a hurry," the young man said as he nervously glanced over his shoulder. Tira did not hear him. She was too busy staring at his amazingly muscular chest. It seemed almost humanly impossible that anybody's chest could become this muscular. Tira felt a sudden attraction for this young man. She finally managed to tear her eyes away from his chest.

"Hi! I'm Tira! What's your name?" she asked brightly.

"Huh?" The man seemed taken back by this sudden question and it took him a little while to answer. "Uh, I'm Yunsung."

"Well, I think that we'll make a great couple! Don't you?" Tira half-yelled.

"What?!" Yunsung exclaimed. "I don't even know you!" he protested.

Tira's cheerful demeanor immediately vanished as she spoke in a low voice. "Didn't you pay attention to me?!"

Yunsung, sensing that something was about to go very wrong looked nervously around him for a way out. But an exit was not a luxury that he could afford at that time.

Tira was getting very angry as this man seemed to be ignoring her. "I don't like it when people don't pay attention to me," she spoke in a dangerously low voice. "It makes me angry when people don't pay attention to me."

"Look," Yunsung stammered. "I think this was all a big understanding, so if you could just move out of the way…"

"You won't like me when I'm angry," Tira hissed taking out her weapon, completely ignoring everything Yunsung was saying.

"Yunsung! There you are!" Two new people ran towards the trapped Yunsung. The two newcomers were females. One of them looked around 20 years old and the other looked younger than Yunsung.

The older looking one spoke, "I finally found you. Go home and leave Soul Edge to me."

"I can't let you go on. The sword is evil," the younger one added.

"Hi! My name is Tira! What's yours!?" Tira exclaimed cheerfully, putting her ring away. The other two stared in surprise as if they had just realized she was standing there. After several seconds of staring, one of them broke the silence.

"Hi, I'm Mina," one of them answered.

"I am Talim," the other said.

"Well, I think that we'll make a great couple! Don't you?" Tira exclaimed suddenly, startling the two girls.

"What?" Mina exclaimed.

"Poor girl. I fear she has been touched by the evil wind," Talim muttered. "We must purify her immediately."

"I don't think you'll need to worry about that," Yunsung interrupted. "She's just crazy."

Tira's eyes filled up with tears. She fell to the ground and started pounding the ground, bawling. "Waaa. You're not very nice!"

"Oh, great. Now look what you've done," Mina scolded. "You've made her cry."

"What?" Yunsung protested. "She wasn't like this a second ago. I'm telling you, something's wrong with her!"

"Wind, guide me," Talim muttered.

"Oh, shut up, both of you," Mina snapped. She turned to Tira with a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

Tira's face brightened up. "I'm fine. How are you?"

Mina's face showed nothing but utter bewilderment. "What the…" she muttered.

"Told ya," Yunsung whispered to her.

"Conflict lies within you," Talim said to Tira.

Tira gasped. "How could you tell?" she asked.

"It's not that hard to figure it out," Yunsung muttered under his breath. His remark earned him a slap on the head from Mina, who had overheard.

"I am one with the wind," Talim answered simply.

"Well, it was nice meeting you," Mina started. "But I think we better be going our way."

"Sure thing," Tira said.

"Let's go, Yunsung," Mina said to her fellow companion. As the three started to walk away, Tira shouted after them.

"Wait! He promised to marry me!"

All three froze at this remark and slowly turned back to face Tira.

"What?!" they all exclaimed at the same time. Mina and Talim stared at Yunsung, both fuming.

"It's true," Tira said calmly. "We met several years ago and he promised me then: The next time we meet on a crowded street and I'm carrying both a sword and a loaf of bread, I will marry you," she explained. "It was so romantic!"

"I can't believe this," Mina shouted at Yunsung.

"I swear, I've never even seen her until five minutes ago!" Yunsung yelled back.

"Don't worry Talim. Believe in yourself!" Talim screamed.

"Oh, don't be so shy. After all, we'll be happily married soon," Tira giggled. She slowly walked up to Yunsung and kissed him on the lips. When they separated, Yunsung fell to the ground in a slump, motionless.

Mina shrieked. "What's wrong with him!?"

Talim shrieked. "Wind, guide me!"

Tira shrieked. "Why are you all screaming?!"

Thunder cracked. Everything turned dark. "TIRA!" a loud, ominous voice boomed. A tall man wearing a hood, wielding a massive scythe slowly walked towards them. Mina and Talim stared, terrified.

"Hi, Zassy!" Tira joyfully greeted the man, waving frantically. There was suddenly no more thunder. The sun shined again, and the sound of birds chirping filled the air.

"What are you?" Talim asked, as if she had summoned all her courage to ask this question.

"I am Zasalamel," Zasalamel replied in his loud, booming voice.

"You're human, aren't you?" Talim asked, staring at him.

Zasalamel was taken by surprise. "Uh…well, I…" He suddenly remembered why he was here, and broke off in the middle of the sentence. "Never mind that."

He turned to Tira in rage and began to yell. "What's wrong with you! It hasn't even been one day since I talked to you about your problem and you've already kissed someone?!"

"But..but… He was so shiny and colorful…," Tira whimpered.

"Excuse me," Mina interrupted. "But what's going to happen to Yunsung? He's not dead, right?"

"No," Zasalamel replied. "His soul is slightly damaged, but he should be fine after a couple months."

"What?" Mina asked incredulously.

"Well," Zasalamel started. "Here's the deal…" He proceeded to tell Tira's story.

A few minutes later, Mina and Talim were both scratching their heads, trying to understand what Zasalamel had just told them.

"So, this happens every time she kisses someone?" Mina asked.

"Well, it shouldn't happen anymore because Tira's not going to kiss anyone now." He turned his face towards Tira and asked, "Right, Tira?"

"Huh?" Tira answered. After quickly getting bored after Zasalamel had started the story, she was now using her ring as a hula hoop.

"Well," Mina started nervously. "It was wonderful meeting you, but I think we'd better get going."

"I will be like the wind," Talim added in.

Moments later, Tira and Zasalamel watched as Mina and Talim hurriedly dragged Yunsung's unconscious body through the streets in order to get as far away as possible from Tira.

"My heart is still pounding," they heard Talim say.

"Why were they in such a hurry?" Tira asked Zasalamel innocently, watching their figures become smaller by the second.

Zasalamel groaned in reply.


	3. Memories and Alcohol

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur.

Finally got through writing this. Let me know what you think. Hope you like.

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Ch. 3 – Memories and Alcohol

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Zasalamel watched as the three figures faded into the distance. As soon as they vanished, he turned to Tira. "All right, I'll try to find out a way to prevent this…condition of yours. But right now, I'm just way too busy with my…uh…plans…" He gave her a stern look. "You're going to stay out of trouble now, right?"

"Sure," Tira answered. "You don't have to worry about anything. I'll be the bestest person in the world! I'll be so good that-"

"Shut up. I get it already," Zasalamel interrupted. "I'll be going now." He left in a fury, muttering about the things he had to steal and the people he had to kill. After his departure, Tira looked around for something to kill her boredom. She soon spotted a bar conveniently located about a meter away from her. "Ooh," she crooned as she started to happily skip towards the building with her weapon in hand.

When Tira entered the bar, she observed the interior of the building. The room was dimly lit with many people just sitting around and drinking. Men, women, and even children were there. Then she noticed something that stood out. In one corner, she saw one man. He was different from all the others. He glowed. Literally. For some reason, his hair shined so brightly that Tira realized that the man's hair was actually the bar's only source of light.

"Revenge!" the man suddenly shouted slamming his mug on the counter. "I'll get my revenge soon, you freak!" Tira cautiously approached the man. It appeared he was slightly drunk. She gradually neared and slid into a seat beside him. She was captivated by his glowing hair, and could do nothing but stare for a couple minutes.

The man noticed Tira's eyes on his hair and grunted. He turned around and looked at her face. "What do you want?"

"Can I touch it?" Tira asked pleadingly, her eyes fixated on the hair.

"My hair?" he asked with a puzzled face.

"Yes."

"No!" he shouted. "My hair is the most precious thing to me next to revenge and sex! I can't just let some freak girl touch it whenever she wants!"

Tira's eyes narrowed as she abruptly stood up. "Maybe you want to see your precious hair on the ground, then? I'll gladly cut it for you," she hissed while fingering her weapon. The tone of her voice was much darker than a few seconds ago when she had sounded like an innocent child.

The man looked both shocked and revolted. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me!" Tira screamed as she swung her ring around, destroying a table near her. Her eyes burned with fury. Everyone in the bar turned to look at Tira and several people, thinking that it would not be in their best interests to remain in the bar, left for the door as fast as they could.

"Ok, ok," the man said in panic. "You can touch it, but please don't mess it up!"

"Yay!" Tira cheered as she put her weapon away. She walked over to the shaking man and patted his head. "It feels really nice! How do you get it this way?"

The man's scared face was instantly replaced by a prideful one. "I spend at least an hour every morning on it. Different potions, plenty of water and one secret ingredient that I would never tell anyone about."

"Why do you spend so much time on it?" Tira asked.

"I'm not sure. One day I woke up wounded really badly," the man said. He turned to the bartender and ordered another drink. As he took a sip, he continued his story. "After recovering, the local shaman told me I had forgotten all my memories. I guess he was right because I could only think of three things from then on."

"What?" Tira asked with interest.

"One: revenge. I don't know what the hell I did before that, but I know why I was in that condition. Astaroth."

"Who's Astaroth?" Tira asked. "Your puppy?"

"I wish," the man scoffed. "He's a gigantic freak golem who does horrible things like destroying forests for fun."

Tira gasped. Surely there was nobody evil enough to go around destroying forests for FUN?! Where would all the cute little animals go to live? Wiping tears from her eyes, Tira asked, "Where is he now?"

"I'm still looking for him. The bastard is always one step ahead of me."

"Oh. So what were the other two things?"

The man brushed his hair with one hand and took another drink with the other. "Two: sex. I was really horny that day. Always am as a matter of fact. And three: my hair. It looked horrible that day. I knew I had to immediately fix it otherwise all the women would run away from me."

"Wow!" Tira exclaimed. "You're really interesting. What's your name?"

"My name? Hmm…I think it was Maxi," he replied. "What about you?"

"I'm Tira. I'm just an innocent, young girl looking for true love."

"True love, eh?" Maxi asked raising his eyebrow. "Well, sit down and I'll tell you all about true love. I remember a lot about the ocean from my past so maybe that has something to do with it." He turned to the bartender. "Hey, give me another drink." The bartender silently slipped him another drink and went back to work.

"Well Tira," Maxi started. "Let me tell you something…"

Several hours and far too many drinks later…

"And THAT is why we should breed horses with pigs! It's so simple!" Maxi roared, waving his mug around.

Tira nodded fervently. "You're so smart!"

"Yeah," Maxi said smugly. "I'm pretty great. In fact, I'll tell you something. In order to put this wonderful plan of mine into action, I'll need great power. Now, I've heard of this rare sword called Soul Edge."

"Ooh!" Tira spoke up. "I know that!"

Maxi's eyes shot up excitedly. "Really? Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. I have what I think is a part of Soul Edge with me." Out of his pocket, he pulled out a shard and showed it to Tira. Tira knew there was no mistaking it. It was a piece of Soul Edge.

"Zassy's been looking for those!" she remarked.

"Eh? Who's Zassy?" Maxi asked.

"My bestest friend in the whole world!"

Maxi looked ecstatic as he laid the shard on the table. "So you guys know a little something about this sword? Why don't you help me? I could always use extra help and it'll change the whole world for the better!"

Tira shrugged. "Okay."

Maxi took Tira's hands into his own. "You said it yourself. We're partners now!" He took another swig out of his mug and slammed it on the counter.

Tira's eyes were only on his hands grasping hers. "Aaaahh!" she screamed. "You love me! I knew that we were going to be lovers when we first met!"

"Is that so?" Maxi asked, now too drunk to fully comprehend what Tira was saying. "Then let us kiss, my dear, and be together for the rest of our lives!" He leaned forward, his face drawing closer to her face. Tira closed her eyes and did the same.

However, as their lips grew nearer, Tira's eyes opened in realization of what she was about to do. "Wait!" she said suddenly. "We can't do this!"

"But why not, my love?" Maxi slurred. "I'm feeling so French right now! And everybody knows the French are irresistibly sexy!"

"But Zassy said that I can't kiss anyone," Tira insisted. "Or bad things are going to happen to you. Very bad things…" she finished in a hushed voice.

"Come on," Maxi scoffed. "How bad could it be?" No sooner had the words left his mouth when the door was flung open. Gloomy clouds formed outside and thunder cracked like the sound of a whip. Outside stood a silhouette of a tall figure wielding a weapon. One that Tira knew too well.

Zasalamel entered with nothing except a bathrobe on. As he surveyed his surroundings, his eyes caught the shard of Soul Edge. He glanced at Maxi and approached him menacingly his scythe out. He destroyed several tables while walking towards him in rage. "Foolish mortal. You are not worthy of the sword. I shall tell you that now."

"Hey man," Maxi protested. "I gotta save the world with that thing!"

"Enough!" Zasalamel bellowed. He held out his finger and started drawing a figure in the air. "Vanish into the void!"

A large, dark hole appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the room. Everyone's jaws dropped at the incredible sight. Zasalamel took this opportunity to use his scythe to throw Maxi into the hole.

"Nooo!!" Tira heard him scream. The hole vanished, and Maxi was gone.

"Hey," Tira complained. "What'd you do that for? I was about to have some fun! And why are you dressed like that?" she asked eyeing his robe.

Zasalamel snatched the piece of Soul Edge off the table and pocketed it. "Foolish humans such as him should not be carrying something so important," he said. "As for my state of dress, I uh…was washing when I sensed the piece of Soul Edge. I came right away and did not have the time to dress myself properly. I'll be going now," he said as he turned around and started to walk away.

"Hey!"

Zasalamel raised his head at the sound of the voice.

"Hey!" the bartender shouted again. "I don't care what just happened in here, but somebody's got to pay for all the drinks that guy had!"

"How much did he drink? I'll gladly pay, seeing as I don't think he's anywhere in this country anymore because of me," Zasalamel asked calmly. The bartender told him the amount. Zasalamel reacted a full minute later.

"FOOLISH HUMAN!" he roared in a voice that could be heard for miles as he destroyed yet another table near him.

"Yay, Zassy!" Tira cheered as she happily jumped up and down, watching Zasalamel destroy half the bar and people fleeing for their lives.


	4. Problems

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that may appear in this.

It seems like it's been a while.

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Ch. 4 – Problems

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Zasalamel had calmed down after a few minutes. As he surveyed the almost-completely destroyed room, his heart was at ease. For some reason, throngs of people fleeing in terror for their lives had always given him a warm, soothing feeling inside. He casually sat down in one of the few places where nothing was damaged and calmly ordered a drink. The bartender stared at him as if he was mad.

"Are you mad?" the bartender shouted furiously. "You've almost completely destroyed my bar, driven away almost all my customers and now you're sitting there half-naked, ordering a drink?! What is wrong with you?!"

"Wrong?" Zasalamel quietly asked. He lifted his head up and stared into the fiery eyes of the bartender. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me," he boomed. "This world, however, is another story. Too many years, and I have spent too many lives living through this filth. How had I not thought of it before? I am trying to make this world right. And with Soul Edge, that is possible! I will not be stopped! I will be- no, I am a god!" he said as he finished his small speech. He then conjured another black hole and thrust the bartender into the abyss.

"You're a monster," a heroic voice rang out. Zasalamel quickly turned his head to where the voice was coming from. A small smile showed up on his face. "Ahh, how nice of you to show up here."

A woman dressed in white slowly walked towards Zasalamel. "It seems that I must stop you because my goal. I can not let you get Soul Edge."

Zasalamel smirked as he eyed the woman. "Sophitia Alexandra, I presume. Your reputation precedes you."

"Hey, I remember seeing this lady somewhere!" Tira spoke up. She had been strangely quiet for quite some time. She too, now eyed Sophitia her mind racing. "Where was it?" she wondered out loud.

"You don't remember me?" Sophitia spat, looking at Tira with a mixture of anger and fear. "You corrupted my daughter with the evil sword and endangered my family! How could you do such a horrible thing? Although it will not help my daughter, I must end your life," Sophitia cried bitterly.

Tira's face bore a look of confusion for a moment. Then a look of realization came upon showed up. "Oh yeah, I remember now. That was one crazy night," she said dreamily.

"Wait a minute," Zasalamel spoke with a frown. "You two know each other?"

Tira shrugged in response. "Not really, but she had a really nice kid who I…you know…did stuff with…"

Zasalamel looked at Tira in disgust. "And I thought I had problems," he muttered. Just then, the door of the bar was broken down as another figure entered.

This man ran in and pointed his finger at Tira. "My clan cries for vengeance!" he shouted. His blade was soon in his hands as he abruptly started attacking Tira.

"Hey, no fair!" Tira whined as she expertly blocked his blows with her ring. "You have to have some kind of introduction! You can't just randomly start attacking people for no reason without explaining anything! I mean, who does that?!" Zasalamel and Sophitia watched in interest, the previous situation temporarily forgotten.

The stranger stopped attacking for a sudden. He deeply bowed his head and put down his sword for a moment. "My apologies," he said. He took a deep breath and began to shout. "I am Yoshimitsu! My clan cries for vengeance!" With this proclamation, he once again, took up his sword and started to attack Tira.

Blocking each of the quick strikes, Tira asked, "Why are you attacking me?"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"Have we met before?"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"I'm sorry, but I really don't remember you!"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"Do you want a drink?" Tira asked pleadingly.

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"Zassy, help!" Tira yelled at her friend. Zasalamel instantly took his scythe and placed it at Yoshimitsu's throat. Yoshimitsu stopped attacking Tira and was still.

"All right crazy man," Zasalamel started. "I'm going to ask you some questions and you better have some answers. Do you understand?" Yoshimitsu nodded meekly.

"Why are you attacking Tira?" Zasalamel asked.

"My clan cries for vengeance!" the reply came.

"Shut up," Zasalamel roared. "We've already established that. What happened to your clan?"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"Why won't you say anything else?"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

"Do you want me to kill you now?"

"My clan cries for vengeance!"

Zasalamel roared in fury. "Answer me, mortal! This is not a joke! I will kill you if you do not answer me!"

"She mercilessly slaughtered my entire clan for a fragment of an evil sword," Yoshimitsu said calmly, pointing a finger at Tira.

Tira's eyebrows furrowed as she seemed to try and recollect this incident. "Hmm…I think I remember this…" she mused.

Zasalamel blinked in surprise as though he had not been expecting the man to comply with his orders. "That's it? Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"Well, I thought I had made it pretty obvious with the whole 'My clan cries for vengeance' thing. I guess not," Yoshimitsu shrugged.

"Obviously not," Zasalamel snapped. He removed the scythe near Yoshimitsu's throat. "But you know, I-"

"Hold on a minute!" Sophitia interrupted. "I have a score to settle with her!"

"Namu! So do I!" Yoshimitsu added. "Namu…"

Zasalamel, tired after wrecking the bar and not wanting to fight, asked Tira, "Can't you just kiss them or something?"

Tira looked at Zasalamel in disgust. "Kiss a woman and a freaky wood guy?" she asked incredulously. "And I thought I had problems," she muttered. She brightened up and smiled energetically at her two attackers. "Fine. Me and Zassy will take you two on anyday."

"Wait a minute…" Zasalamel started. But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, the other two started attacking and Zasalamel was forced to defend himself.

As Zasalamel evaded Yoshimitsu's strikes, Tira was handling Sophitia with considerable difficulty. Tira suffered a cut on her cheek and immediately held her cheek in pain. "You're annoying," she spat darkly. "After I kill you, I'll go after the rest of your family too," she grinned manically.

Sophitia then took Tira's head and placed it between her legs, above her knees. She then slammed her body down, sitting on Tira's face. "Are you ok?" Sophitia asked as she stood back up. Zasalamel's eyes widened in shock as he witnessed this. He then took a second to notice Yoshimitsu on the ground as well, jerking his sword in an up-and-down motion, all the while producing indecipherable grunts.

"Hold on a minute!" he boomed. "What is the matter with you?" The fighting ceased as all eyes were on Zasalamel. He walked over to Sophitia and stared at her with a look of disapproval. "And you call yourself a mother? Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that stunt you just pulled? What kind of indecent move was that? Is this how you were setting an example for your daughter? No wonder she was possessed by Soul Edge. Her mother is…some kind of prostitute, forcing her areas on people's faces!" he finished with a bemused look on his face. Sophitia looked shocked. Ignoring her for a moment, he turned to Yoshimitsu.

"And you! What was that?! That was simply indecent in front of anyone! You don't even need to have any children. Besides, we have women here! No wonder your clan was viciously murdered. Their leader is…some kind of sex-crazed madman!"

"Listen, it's not what you think! That was one of my stances…" Yoshimitsu frantically explained. "It allows me to perform my more…special moves…"

"Be that as it may," Zasalamel said. "But it's just vulgar. You have no business doing that in public," he said while shaking his finger at Yoshimitsu.

After staring at the ground for a few moments, Sophitia and Yoshimitsu simultaneously burst into tears. "Oh, it's true!" Sophitia cried. "I've become an unbearable shame to my family! When did it get this way?!"

"I must repent!" Yoshimitsu said through his tears. "You have taught me the error of my ways!"

Zasalamel put his arms around the pair sympathetically. "There, there. It's going to be okay." He looked to Tira now staring at herself in the reflection of her weapon. "Tira, go and get us some drinks."

Tira looked up brightly. "Ok, and I'll add some special touches to them!"

Zasalamel winced. "Please don't."

A moment later, Tira appeared with four drinks.

* * *

A couple hours later…

* * *

Tira stared at the three passed out bodies lying in front of her. "Aww, they broke too fast," she said to herself. "I'm bored now."

She took the trio's clothes off their bodies and ran outside into the darkness, tightly clutching their garments against her chest.

--

Haha. Even when Tira doesn't kiss them, people still end up unconscious around her.

Next chapter will most likely be the last unless something amazing happens.


	5. All About Love

Finally got to working on this again. It's been a fun ride. Hope you guys like.

Disclaimer: For the final time, I own nothing.

-

Ch. 5 – All About Love

--

Tira groggily opened her eyes and looked around. What the hell happened last night? As she struggled to remember, she realized that she had woken up on the streets with garments that did not belong to her. She let out a groan. Then she heard something coming her way. Something that sounded like a rather large animal roaring. Something inhumane. Footsteps that shook the earth with every step. Something that struck absolute fear into the hearts of everything that saw it. The sky darkened. Lightning and thunder struck as ominous music heavily filled the air. Tira was paralyzed, watching the figure slowly approach her. She then realized who it was. There was only one person who could make an entrance like this.

"TIRA!!!!" Zasalamel roared. Tornadoes started in seven different spots of the world and thousands of volcanoes erupted. He dragged his scythe with menace as he dramatically walked towards the girl still sitting on the ground as she was unable to do anything but watch in awe.

Without warning, Tira burst into applause. "Yaaaaay. That was your best one yet. Especially liked the tornadoes."

"WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!"

Tira then noticed that Zasalamel was not donning his usual hooded cloak and whatever the hell else he wore. He was wearing…some kind of bag it seemed like.

"Eww…what are you wearing?" she asked while cringing in disgust.

"A potato sack," mumbled Zasalamel as Tira rolled on the floor with laughter. "SHUT UP! It's your fault anyways!"

"I'm bored now. Let's go find something fun to do."

"Give me my clothes first."

"Here," Tira said as she picked out Zasalamel's clothes out of the pile and threw them at his face. "You ready now? Let's go."

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm being dragged into something troublesome again?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied innocently. "I'm going now." She skipped out humming a song, leaving Zasalamel to get changed.

Sometime later, the pair was walking down the streets of France.

"Why are we in France again?" asked Zasalamel.

"Anyone who's looking for love goes to France. Specifically Paris. Everybody knows that," Tira scoffed. He could only grunt in response. They had not gone more than twenty feet when they noticed a commotion break out in the streets.

"How dare you defile my sister!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, woman!"

The traveling pair eagerly turned their heads to the source of the noise. They saw a young girl of around twenty years of age yelling at an older French man. Both looked extremely agitated and ready to tear out each other's throats.

"Hey Zassy, doesn't that girl look a little bit like that hot mom we saw at the bar?"

"You're right…I think that may be her sister that she mentioned."

"Ooh, how interesting," Tira crooned. "Who's this handsome man then?"

Zasalamel frowned. He had seen this man somewhere before. The name was escaping him at the moment. For some reason, the man seemed to give off an unpleasant aura reminiscent of the evil sword Zasalamel was on the search for. Then it hit him. "…Sorel," he breathed. They had crossed paths as both were looking for the sword. Of course, it seemed nowadays that everybody was looking for that damn sword. He had been deeply corrupted by an evil aura when Zasalamel had met him. Despite past appearances, Raphael Sorel seemed perfectly normal now as he seemed to be putting all his strength into yelling at the girl.

"You're insane!"

"Don't play dumb. I saw you with her at the bakery!"

"You're quite the rude one. You should make sure you know who you are speaking to before you accuse them of things. Who are you anyways? Perhaps the name will ring a bell."

"Cassandra Alexandra. Don't act like you don't recognize the surname."

"Greek eh? I'm afraid I don't recall anything to do with your sort."

"Are you calling me a liar?!" Cassandra yelled.

"Precisely," Raphael said with a small smile.

Cassandra armed herself with a shield and sword at the comment. "Do I need to beat it into you?"

Raphael seemed amused as he unsheathed his rapier. "Quite possibly."

"So exciting," Tira whispered to Zasalamel as he jumped a little. He had forgotten that Tira was next to him. He looked around at the rather large crowed that had gathered and noted that they were equally entranced in the scene. _This feels like we're at the performance of one of the world's most highly acclaimed plays_, he thought. This was getting good. He ignored Tira and redirected his attention to the fight.

The girl let out a scream as she charged with her sword in front of her. The man quickly evaded and produced a few swings of his own. They clashed weapons for a while and sooner or later everybody in the crowd noticed it. Every one of their swings was full with killing intent. The fight continued on for some time with the crowd oohing and ahhing at all the right moments.

The two weapons stopped in each other's tracks as both combatants were locked in a struggle. Both were putting all their strength into breaking the cross their weapons made. The crowd held its breath, knowing that whoever who this struggle won the battle as the other would end up dead on the ground with his or her throat cut. The tension seemed to increase as the two fighters looked each other in the eyes. Five seconds later, their weapons dropped to the floor and they were passionately and fiercely kissing one another. The crowd was momentarily stunned, but as the shock wore off, departed to its usual business leaving Raphael and Cassandra, now entangled on the ground, to their flaming desire.

Tira gently elbowed Zasalamel. "See? That's the kind of stuff that happens in France," she said pointing to the pair rolling on the floor, with their lips still glued. "I know that I can find true love here!"

Zasalamel stood stone-faced for a few seconds before speaking. "Do you have any idea just how ridiculous you sound right now? Why do you keep talking about love like it actually matters? You are a servant of the sword. This so-called love is nothing compared to what the sword can offer you."

"I'm a perfectly healthy young girl. I can't help myself," Tira said with a tone of longing.

Zasalamel grunted again. "Sure about that 'perfectly healthy' part? Anyways, I'm going to have to leave you now."

"Do you have to?"

"I have people to banish into alternate realms and pieces of evil swords to claim. It's what I do." And with that, he vanished.

Tira let out a sigh. She was going to miss him. Now what? She truly did want to find love. Not because she had nothing else to do, but because it felt like the natural thing to do. Although to be honest, she had to admit she had no idea how it would feel once she found it. She had only seen it through the actions of other people. Never had she experienced it for herself. The seventeen years that one could call her life had always been about evil sword this, possessing souls that. She looked around for something to give her a clue on what to do next. A fortune-telling booth immediately started to glow as if beckoning her inside. "Why not?" Tira though to herself as she went in.

"Greetingsssss." A snakelike voice met her as soon as she walked in. "How can I be of assistance?"

"I'm gloomy."

"Oh reaaaallllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy. Now that is interestingggggg." The fortune-teller had an annoying habit of drawing out words and it was beginning to irritate Tira.

"So…how can you help?"

"Well, that depends on what you waaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt."

Tira leaned in closer, grasped the fortune-teller's cloak and whispered menacingly into his ear. "How about you stop TALKING like that before I decide to kill you?"

The fortune-teller gasped with fear and began talking in a much lower voice than before. "Okay, okay. I'll talk in my normal voice then. Back to business. How can I help? My name is Olcadan by the way." He removed his cloak and Tira was dumfounded as she was staring at the face of an owl.

"Hey! How'd you do that?!" she asked ecstatically. "It's soooo cool! Tell me how you did it! Can I do it? Were you born like that? Are you really one humongous owl? If you're not, why are you like that? How do you eat? Have you seen Zassy? Do you like kittens? Do people stare at you when you go out? Why are you even a fortune-teller?" She was like a child asking endless questions about a new toy. "I wonder how owls taste freshly killed," she mused.

Olcadan sat unfazed as if he normally went through this. "Ho ho ho. Well, I was once the master of every martial art and weapon known to man. So I became an arrogant jackass who got cursed by this evil witch who gave me this owl head. Later, I decided to go after this evil sword that seemed to be all the rage back then. After finding it, I sold it to a weapon store like the dumbass I am for a couple gold coins. With those coins, I bought myself this neat cloak and started a fortune-telling booth just because I felt like it."

Tira rolled on the floor with laughter at his explanation. "You sold Soul Edge?! Me and Zassy and Siegy and everyone else has been looking for it for the longest time! And all this time it's been at some weapon store? And what do you mean because you felt like it? Can you actually do something with your crystal ball or what?"

"Of course I can."

"Ha-ha. Wait, let me stop laughing at your stupidity first and then we can get started," Tira said with tears running down her eyes.

* * *

3 hours later…

* * *

"Okay…I'm calm now," Tira said wiping away the last of her tears."

"You sure about that?"

Tira struggled to contain her snickers. "No!" She started laughing again.

* * *

1 hour later…

* * *

"Ok…seriously this time. I'm ready."

"Good," Olcadan said while rolling his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Tell me what love is."

Olcadan grinned. "How about I show you?" he said, motioning below his waist.

"Are you crazy? Why would I have sex with an owl?! That's disgusting. Besides, that's not love, it's bestiality!"

"I'm not actually an owl! I'm a human with an owl head!"

"Either way, it's gross."

"Fine. You don't know what you're missing out on," Olcadan scoffed. He gazed into his crystal ball that he appeared to pull from his cloak and looked into it.

"I will show you several visions from my ball. Look closer."

Tira leaned closer as the images began to be projected from the spherical object. An image of Raphael and Cassandra rolling around half-naked on the streets of Paris came up.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "I just met them a while ago. So this is true love…"

"WRONG!" Olcadan yelled. "This is not love at all. This is what's known as lust. These two don't know the meaning of love. One is a loser, evil vampire who might possibly have pedophilic tendencies while the other is simply an overexcited young girl who's looking to get laid. What could they possibly know about the great thing known as love?!"

"Then why are you showing me it?"

"To make you realize that there are things that you may mistake for love but in truth, it is nothing like it. Next vision."

Olcadan snapped his fingers and a new vision came up on the crystal ball. It showed a female ninja in red fighting a samurai, both obviously trying to kill the other.

"This is love?" Tira asked quizzically.

"Well...part of it," Olcadan answered. "You see, the more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. But these two haven't realized that. Next!"

The next vision showed what appeared to be a mummy in some kind of cave in the most awkward positioning on all fours humping the air. Olcadan stared trying to figure out what the hell happened. Tira was intrigued. "What's this?"

"I. Don't. Know." Olcadan shook his head as if trying to get the vision out of his head. "But I am now traumatized for life. Next…" he said weakly.

Tira recognized the scenery as somewhere in China. A young man and woman were standing together under a tree. Birds were happily chirping around them and all kinds of magical creatures were seen around the couple. An entire orchestra appeared out of nowhere and started serenading them.

Olcadan wiped away tears from his eyes. "It's so beautiful," he sniffed. He stood up rejuvenated and proclaimed dramatically. "THIS. IS. LOVE!" Caught up in the heat of the moment, he kicked his crystal ball off the table. The ball erupted into flames and burned down the tent instantly. Olcadan quickly fled without saying another word to Tira.

"Hey!" she shouted angrily. "I was watching that!" But he was gone.

"I still don't know anything! I'm so confused." She gloomily sat down as fire surrounded her, but she did not seem to notice. "I guess I'll go home," she said dejectedly after the twelfth person had run past her, covered in flames.

As Tira approached the castle which she had grown to call home, she noticed a strangely familiar sleeping figure outside the gates.

"Zassy!" she cried happily as she ran towards him. He was shaken from his slumber and upon awaking, immediately destroyed the doors. "What are you doing here?" Tira asked.

"Huh? I don't know. I just woke up and I was here," he muttered sleepily.

"Well as long as you're here, why don't you stay?"

Zasalamel yawned. "I really don't feel like myself right now so I guess I'll try not to be a humongous jackass and actually try to do something helpful for once. I'm still trying to work out that little problem of yours where you somewhat destroy someone's soul when you kiss them."

"Yaay," she cheered. Her mood suddenly changed. "I'm bored now. I'm going in."

After walking up the long steps to the top, Tira kicked in the doors to the great hall. "HEY SIEG! You alive yet?!"

Her question was met with a roar. She narrowed her eyes, and got into a fighting position.

"Oh it's you Nighty!" she squealed suddenly as she spied the armor, all traces of madness gone. She tossed her ring to the side and skipped to his side.

"Want to go soul hunting?"

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tira let out a cheer and yelled to the ground where Zasalamel was still standing. "Hey Zassy! We're going soul-hunting! Want to come?"

"Fine," came a bored reply.

A few minutes later, the trio stood at the base of the castle looking onwards into the sky. Then as if on cue, they began to attack the stone edifice, causing it to crumble with their immense power. Their home now destroyed, the three of them began to walk into the darkness, ready to wreak havoc into the closest town they came upon. Tira walked in the middle, reflecting on the last few days. It looked like she would have to wait for love to come find her. And when it came, she would know. She could feel it. As for the kissing problem, she had Zassy's assurance that he was working on it. With Zasalamel on her right and Nightmare on her left, Tira led them to the poor fools who would have the misfortune of meeting them. A demonic smile on her face, she thought of how much fun soul hunting was going to be this time around. As for love?

She still had hope.

---

A/N: Tira is a really fun character to write on. She has so much to work off and every aspect of her personality and story can serve as a starting point for another story. It did become tiring after a while trying to implement all the different mood changes and whatnot but overall it was a very fun experience.

Annnd that's all folks. If you thought it was good, leave a review! If you thought it was bad, leave a review! If you didn't read it, leave a review! Criticism is always welcome as we're all only looking to improve. Hope you liked the story and all that other stuff. Much thanks to all those who did review in the past. It's what motivates me to keep writing. Good stuff people. And see you next time if I decide to write again.


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